Diary Of A Dead Man's Heart
by Teh Ringmaster
Summary: Christine returns to the Populair trying to find a diary that is said to be Erik's (First 'Phan'fic ever for me so please read and respond!)


Disclamer: I wish it was mine but it isn't.  
Note: I know my spelling is bad, please deal with it. I have no beta readers yet so please please please don't comment trying to fix my spelling.. you should be able to figure it out. Alright thanks remember to read and respond!

They said it was a myth. Then again, he himself was a myth, or he was said to be. I know better then anyone that he was real. They said it was a myth... How could I beleave that when I knew the man who was only a story, I had to see though. I could have been only a story, I doubt that, but I have to see. I have to take myself back to that place that would plague me with memories I have worked so hard to rid myself of. He was worth that though. He did everything in his power for me, so this was the least I could do now that he was gone.

I was there again and dispite the years that had passed it remained the same. Not a thing out of place; all as he had left it. The floor was still littered with glass wich I payed mind to and stepped around it as I continued my search for my odd treasure hidden somewhere within these walls.

The organ. it had to be there. Hidden within the countless sheets of music; all hand written in red ink. The ink he was known to use. I let my hand drift over the dusty and weathered keys of the pipe organ as my eyes followed in their wake. Reaching up I started to shift though his works of art and beauty all held on a single sheet or two.

I couldn't help but wonder, how long had it been since someone had actually set foot down here since he died. I remember that day well. The day I heard he was gone forever. Dispite our past I wept for him, infact I still weep for him. Late at night when the whole city od Paris is sleeps I lie awake for countless hours and cry for him. I cry for my angel.

I toutched a rather thick score and with a raised brow plicked it from the pile of music in which it was burried. I dusted off the cover and with wide eyes I traced the words that where scrawled across the leather bound cover. _'Don Juan Triumphant' _His life's masterpeice. The play in wich he came out of hiding. The Play in wich I exposed him infront of the whole Opera. The play in wich he kidnapped me...

Oh, such a stupid, stupid girl I was. I hurt the man who had poured his heart and soul into everything he ever did for me. I sighed and pulled back the cover and looked over the music that I knew so well. His feelings of anger, love, betrayl, and hate comming to life once more. The burning sensation of tears welled in my eyes. "Oh why, why did you have to leave me angel?" my cries echoed off the cavern walls.

My legs felt weak beneith me and I sat down on the bench before the organ, his organ. I continued to read his opera and time and time again I had to brush tears from my eyes so I could see the notes written on the page. Comming to the end of the booklet I noticed that some of the leather binding had come loose. I reached to see if I could press it back into place thinking it was somehow my fault it had come loose but when I did I felt something beneith it. I slipped my hand under the backing and from it I procured a small book bound in rather worn brown leather,

My brows pressed togeather.. why would this be here? Perhaps it was an extention of the opera.. or mabye set designs? One way to find out. I turned the book over in my hands and opened it. My eyes widened and a small gasp escaped my form, Could it be? No... it was a myth. How could I say that though.. did I not say before that it might have been real.. he was real why could this not be it? I had to have some hope in it exsisting if I had come down here.

The diary...his diary rested within my trembeling palms. Years of torment and anger written by his hand resided withing this book. The red ink in wich he always wrote covered the pages. Oh to just read it and know more... but.. I couldn't. It was his life and he had every right to keep it secret. What would it matter though... he was gone, someone needed to tell his tale and why not let it be me?

I turned past the first page and began to read. "He must have started when he came to the opera..." I wispered running a finger along to keep my place. There was no date.. it hadn't even had his name. I only knew because of the famillar red ink and his handwriting. I had seen it enough to know it by now. His writings where a bit hard to read; smudged over the years and faded but I made it out after some time.

_' I have my freedom. I have escaped that cursed place in which I was held captive for entertainment. Where I was beaten for pleasure. No longer will the world have this though... I am free now. I find myself now in a damp cave in the cellars of what I am told is The Opera Populair. I was lead here by a young girl, a few years younger then myself. She managed to help me escape and she says I am welcome to stay here as long as I need. I have the feeling that will be a long wile since I have no other home. It puzzles me though, she has seen my face and yet she speaks not a word of it nor does she show any fear towards me. She is still willing to help even if she knows that monster that I am. There is an old pipe organ down here. It isn't in the best of shape but I think I can put it in working order and once I do perhaps it won't be as lonely down here.'_

"You built such a grand instrument yourself. You truely are a genius angel.." I spoke out loud and ran my hands over one of the pipes. He never ceased to amaze me, even in death. I read for hours on end down in his dwelling that was once a home to the infamous Opera Ghost. Tales that told of how he became the man I knew him as came to life before my eyes.

_'It seems I have earned myself a name and that I have left my mark on this opera house. They have begun to call me the 'Opera Ghost' and in a way I can safely say that I am. Can one truely say that I am alive when my exsistance is one of shadows and hiding? Madame Giry has stopped bringing me things needed since suspictions where on the rise but all is well. I have enough for the time beeing and I will continue to work on building my home. She has done so much for me already that I think that I shall never be able to repay her. I will be needing money though... things still have a price even if you are a 'ghost'. I think a letter to the managers asking for salary shall work. It's only right I get something seeing as I can, in return, not give them as much of a problem as I do.'_

It took him a great deal of time to get the reputation he had now though or.. did when he was alive. It all started with pranks and parlor tricks that most children knew but he did it in such a way that he was not seen and so came about the 'ghost' part of him. All of this to amuse himself but it seemed he was a quick learner and used his pranks to get what he wanted by making them increacingly more dangerous and he even injured a few people just to show who was boss. This eventually turned to killing without a seconds thought.

He wasn't always happy, I wasn't the only one who knew that. Alot of the pages where already tearstained by his tears which made things a bit harder to read but I continued on reading. I could not let the small book down though. It was like... some sort of novel that was just to riviting to put down even for a moment.

_'Curse the world and all it's people! No one out there, not a soul, will ever understand! All I have ever wanted was for someone to care, to understand that I to am human. Instead I am cast aside like a broken toy and the only way to be recognised again is to have them fear me and what I am capable of. My only friend is music. As many above my abode can tell, I have taught myself how to sing. I listened in on lessons given to the chorus girls and did what I could. I have improved on playing the organ and for some time now I have been composing an opera. This opera should one day help them understand.'_

"Oh my poor angel! All you ever wanted is for someone to care for you, to understand you." I spoke as if he was there to hear my words. I suppose in some ways he was for I did not feel alone down there. My angel was there with me... perhaps not in body but in memorie he was. "I care for you angel." I wispered softly clutching the book to my chest for a moment before continuing to read the passages that acted as a time machine for me. ONe page caught my eye though and I had to read it a second time.

_'Darkest of all nights can be brightened by the singel smile of a girl. Few have whitnessed such an even though, but I, I have been blessed by such a thing. She arrived at my opera house not but a few days ago. I have heard her name called by friends and tutors alike. That name will be something I'll never forget. That name is Daae'_

Had that not been my name? True I knew the man had been intrested in me.. but I never thought he had known me all of that time... Why hadn't he showed himself sooner if he had such a love for me the whole time? Perhaps my dear angel was shy? No that couldn't be, he was one of the boldest men I even knew. I had to calm myself though so I could continue. Every page from then on had my name in it atleast twice. It made him seem like a school boy with a crush and it was amusing in some ways. I stopped at one page and my heart broke a million times over as I read the following words.

_'Have I done all of this for nothing? I gave her everything. I gave her the gift of my music. I gave her my love. Yes she repays me with betrayal, hatred. She is engaged. If that was not enough torture in itself I happened to hear the whole thing. The roof. One of my few sanctuarys I will now despise for the events that have taken place then this past evening. In one evening I found it is capable to shatter a man's heart. Why Christine did you deny me? Did I not give you everything in my power? I will be going to the masked ball in a few months time and from now on I shall not leave my home. I must complete Don Juan Triumphant and present it then to my managers. I will have my opera preformed and Daae will understand that she belongs to me and no other man!'_

Flowing down my own tears joined the dried ones already on the page. Had I really hurt him that much? Oh I was just a vacuous girl who didn't know then. My tears where of sorrow, of forgiveness for what I had done. I understood now. I understood why. Why he had kidnapped me. Why he had worked so hard to make me see thathe loved me.

"Oh you poor poor man!" I cried out once more for the man that had seemed to have lost everything he had. "I was blind then" I continued to weep wishing he knew that I understood. Wishing thatI could tell him. "I care angel!" I spoke without a seconds thought of my husband the Vicomte de Changy. "I care about you! I love you!" Raoul may have been my husband but I saw now that, even if I did care for him, I could never love him as much as I did my angel. I turned to the last page with a heavy heart.

_'She is gone now. I let her go. My opera was preformed and what is done is done. The populair is now slowly burning to ruin. Christine has gone with the vicomte and all I can hope now is that she is happy. I now relise that is what I want. I want her to be happy. My home is now as close to finished as it will ever be for I am leaving, probably never to return. I still love you Christine, nothing shall ever change that. Should you happen to find this and wish to see me-'_

Wait, no, this couldind be? There should have been more but the page was torn. "Is this my retrubution for my detraying you?" I cried out both angry and saddened. The page before me taunted me so in not letting the fineal words of my beloved angel be read.

"Where you looking for this child?" A temor voice. Melodic and sweet. His voice! I looked up at the organ, afraid that if I turned around it would all just be a trick of my mind trying to taunt me further for my asinine actions of the past. I slowly turned. I had to know. Before me stood the man I loved looking not an hour older then when I had last seen him. Inhis hand the missing page of the diary.

"Erik..."

My voice was weak but I managed to say his name. My eyes where wide. It was him, it really was! He was there infront of me when I had thought I would never see him again. I rose slowly, trembeling lightly before I just gave in and ran to him; throwing myself into his arms I pushed my face into his chest and cried. I cried not of sorrow but os joy. Of pure joy that I had been reunited with my angel, my Erik.

"It is alright Christine. He pulled me closer, his arms encompasing me and bringing a sence of safty. He wispered gental, comforting words to me. "Oh Erik" I pulled back and looked up at him with a tear stained face but I could not care less what I looked like at the moment. I was there with him. What more could I ask for?

"Erik forgive me. I understand now. Oh Angel.. I understand and... and I love you!" I looked up at him hoping there was a way he could forgive me after all that I had done. If he didn't I deserved it... He didn't deserve me after all that I had done to him but I could still hope.

For a long wile he was silent and we just staired into eachothers eyes and no sound was made. I needed to know. Did he still love me? Would he still love me? It was touture to wait I had to know now. I curled my hands into his shirt and pulled myself up to catch his lips in a tender kiss. If he returned the kiss then he loved me, he cared for me, he forgave me... if he did not... if he pulled away then he wanted nothing more to do with me.

I waited. Afraid that he would never return the kiss. He hadn't made a move yet. No choises made, no bridges crossed. The few seconds in which this all took place seemed like five lifetimes in one. Soon enough though he made his choise. He pulled back. My heart sank.

I looked up to him with pleading eyes, asking him not to do this. I inhaled and was about to speak when his finger pressed gentally to my lips to silence me. He leaned foward a small bit and simply wispered "I love you" with that he moved in and pressed his lips to mine.

Ok my first Phanfic ever... read and respond please so I can get feedback. Any suggestions as well for new stories or perhaps a sequil to this I doubt I'd do it though Thanks for your time


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